You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
