gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
