The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
