he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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