so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
