Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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