I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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