Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
