well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
