I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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