I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
