Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
