hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
