My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
