Yo dont text me then not text me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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