New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize