Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
