If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
