Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
