the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
