i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
