I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
