Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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