Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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