i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
