If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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