what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
