so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize