oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
