M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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