if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
