I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
