I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
