I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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