Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you inspire me to be a worse person
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
