Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
