there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
