no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
id be glad to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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