Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
