He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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