i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
