fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
