I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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