in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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