You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
