Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
