Im at strip club and am horny
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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