Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize