I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
