Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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