are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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