Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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