i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
