What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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