I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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