can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
