Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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