smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
