Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
